On being old but not feeling old and vice versa...

"It's a shame that youth is wasted on the young."

- George Bernard Shaw

(probably1)

Have you ever absentmindedly caught a glimpse of your reflection and found you look older than you remember? I have. I managed to do that this very evening, in fact, on the bus home from work. I looked like someone who, in my youth, I would have called an adult.

I don’t feel old, though. At least, I don't think I do. I seldom feel grown-up. I rarely feel like a capable, well-adjusted adult. I do feel like I’ve experienced a lot more of the world than the vast majority of people due, in no small part, to my privileged upbringing and (useful) job. But I do not feel ‘old’.

I wonder if I’ll feel old when I’m 41?

Quick poll - if you’re 41 (or thereabouts), do you feel old?

I’m not saying I necessarily regard everyone aged 41-and-up as ‘old’, but I’d be interested to know if you yourself do.

There is, of course, that fun saying ‘You’re only as old as you feel’. But I've always found I get stuck at the first hurdle when I start to wonder how old I feel. By what criteria can we properly judge something that is so very subjective?

I asked a colleague of mine this afternoon if he felt old and he immediately said, “yes”. (He is the same age as me.) He then took a moment to have a think about it and said, “not necessarily old per se, but ‘less fun’”. (He then rattled off some analogy about ducks being in a row or something. I don’t know. I’d never heard it before.) But thinking about this, I couldn't help but feel it was rather unfair to the elderly. Surely becoming less fun is not a criteria of being old?

There's another saying that springs to mind - 'You don't stop having fun because you grow old, you grow old because you stop having fun.' And another one that says 'Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional'. We could go on long enough to fill a house with embroidered cushions. 

It does make me wonder - is the sort of fun one has doing crossword puzzles the same as the sort of fun one has playing duck, duck, goose? Is becoming more mature in the way you have fun the same as becoming old? I think before I write my next thesis on this website, it might be best to stop and just admit that the criteria are not objectively measurable and the whole thing is just slightly frustrating to think about.

I remember when I was about 15 trying to imagine what I’d feel like when I was 25 and finding it almost impossible. I think that this may have been because I had not yet experienced being in a workforce, or having a degree, or being able to drive a car. Now that I have those experiences under my belt, though, I still find it difficult to imagine how it will be any different in 10… 20… 25 years’ time. What could possibly change from here? 

Will I just get tired quicker?

I don't know folks, but if getting more tired is all there is, I hope I have not discovered my criteria.

1 https://quoteinvestigator.com/2015/09/07/young/